Today is day eight… I kinda didn’t post for a few days… so I guess that I will catch you up, because that’s what we do here eh?

Since we last talked, I have become progressively more and more sick. By talked I mean me typing, and you reading, cause yeah, that’s talking…

So here’s a summary of this week:

Saturday October 23rd:

I slept most of the day, I really didn’t feel well, but I finally got up and went to the grocery with my aunt, and then we headed out to our annual church hayride. My aunt picked up hot dogs, potato chips, marshmallows, soda and for me Minute Maid Lemonade! I do so love that evil drink! But I ended up having like five potato chips, and as soon as I got home threw them up.

What I didn’t really mention in the first few blogs was that I have been kinda puking up lots of things, pretty much anything solid to be completely honest. It’s been going on for a couple weeks now, and I’m really feeling depleted. I can still get protein drinks and liquids down, so I’m not too worried, but I think that I’m having some symptoms of dehydration.

We were at the hayride with my family, my nieces were there and they are getting so big, but they rode the hayride all by themselves! I am so proud of them, they are getting so big and learning so much! We left around nine, and I literally crashed out when I got home…

Sunday, October 24th:

I woke up in the morning… I wasn’t feeling so much like P Diddy, but more like someone had hit me with a mac truck in my sleep. I was throwing up every time I sat up, I tried to get up and get ready for church, and vomited all over myself, so yeah that didn’t happen. I went back to bed and got up at four in the afternoon, again vomiting so I missed evening service as well.

Sunday night at the service I missed fifteen cars had their tires slashed, some all four tires, the church was all over the news, and I saw several of our members as well as our pastor on the news doing interviews. It’s awful, and they still haven’t caught the person or persons responsible for this vandalism.

Monday, October 25th:

Again with the sleeping in and sickness. I was asleep most of the day, caught up on some tv and then headed into SWIC to fill in for my friend who is on a cruise. One of the disabled guys he works with needs help in his class, so I was there to help him out. I got home around ten, and then talked online for a while with my friend, before I finally crashed out again.

Tuesday, October 26th:

That’s today! No big deal today either. My mom bought her holiday baking supplies so I put those away for her. I watched Santa Buddies, and then watched Biggest Loser. Tuesday night is my favorite night of television! I am a huge fan of Biggest Loser and Glee. I haven’t watched this weeks episode of Glee yet, but I’m super excited to see it. That’s all I really have for right now. I hope that everyone has had a super awesome weekend and I’ll see ya tomorrow! <3

So I woke up today from a long winters nap. Last night I was so tired I felt like my head hit the pillow and I passed out at around eight o’clock. I woke up this morning briefly at about seven thirty, and had a protein shake with a little extra milk added to it, and promptly fell back asleep. I was feeling icky, and my back hurt, so I thought sleeping would help… that led to me sleeping until one o’clock in the afternoon (not good for the back to be in bed that long) lol… but what can ya do?

I got up and got dressed and went out with my best friend to run some errands, and to enjoy a walk at Ladderman park, he leaves for his cruise tonite so he was trying to burn a few extra calories and let’s face it, I can use all the motivation that I can get. After our walk we went to Hy Ho… not the best choice in healthy foods, we pretty much just cancelled out our walk, but oh well. I ate four cheesesticks, and he finished the rest of mine… always good to have a hungry friend after you’ve had lap band or weight loss surgery.

He dropped me off at home and I played around on the computer, I should have posted my blog then but I was lazy, so you guys are getting a late edition today. My cousin Joe picked me up for the Judgement house at seven thirty and we picked up a two liter of juice for me, and headed over to the church… again I didn’t make a healthy choice (so sue me.) and I ate a few of his skittles. We played Uno with Becky, Chelle, Calissa, Joe, and another new guy to church (I am horrible with new names, don’t be offended, just keep reiterating your name to me.) After everyone got bored with Uno, I ran up with Joe to pick up a pizza (no I didn’t eat any, get off my back, lol.) We headed back to the church and Bro Ron taught me how to play Farkle, it was ALOT of fun! I have to say I think I’ll be buying that game for myself. After everyone tidied up the fellowship hall, we headed out to the Judgement House.

There were no pictures allowed to be taken inside the Judgement House or I would have pictures here for you guys to see. The first part of the journey was about an hour wait in a small waiting room, crammed next to each other, we joked that hell must be a series of small waiting rooms, lol. Then we moved on to another waiting room, and waited for about twenty minutes.

Then we began our journey into Russ’s life, a child of convicted drug dealers who has recently moved in with his grandmother, and his grandmother sends him off to camp where he wasn’t really accepted very well. The kids at the church were mean to him, and he really didn’t know how to fit in.

I don’t know how much of myself that I’ll divulge right here, but I have to say that I have felt very similair to this in the past. I have been bullied by kids inside the church, it isn’t something you expect to happen, because we deal with it so much in the world but you have to remember that church kids aren’t immune from the world, and all that is in it. When I was growing up we didn’t have money, all of my clothes came from the church thrift shop, and I was always bigger then the other kids and that led to non-stop teasing from some of the kids in our youth group. I still have issues that I am trying to work though, as someone who was part of that childhood bullying is now a part of the ministry, and while I know he probably doesn’t even remember what happened, it sticks with me, and I try my hardest to make sure that doesn’t happen between kids when I’m around. I think like most things we all have a story like that, about how we were hurt, but we simply gather ourselves and keep moving forward.

As we move through Russ’s life we learn more about him, and his grandmother passes while he is at the church camp. This leads to his suicide, and eventual path to hell. We see him in a cage, being tortured, the room was so hot, that I had to step out, I was sweating through my clothes. We then moved on to heaven, and seeing Russ’s grandmother joining the Heavenly Father. Jesus stepped down and spoke to each one of us, and while I’m sure his statements were scripted, his portrayal was flawless and he said to me “Welcome my child, many are here because of your example.” I was truly blessed by this experience and I appreciate all of the youth who joined us tonight. I am truly blown away by how precious each and every one of them are.

So as far as food goes, I didn’t make smart decisions, but I looked good… fresh haircut, new shirt and sweater, my pants were to big, and I got a couple of lovely compliments. Life is to short to always worry about what is on the plate, two out of three days ain’t bad :P

This morning I woke up to the news that one of the dearest men from our church passed away today. He was a true pillar of the church, and always so supportive of our young people, and everyone there. He was the guy who always made you smile. One of the last things he ever said to me is that I was getting better looking everyday, lol.

This year has been filled with alot of death, ones that truly shocked me, and ones that made sense but still hurt.

My weight loss has caused me to really take a look at where my life was going at that weight, and how I would have died much earlier, if not already if I continued on that path. One of my dear friends passed earlier on this year of congestive heart failure, she was fifty. We worked together for almost eight years, and she was truly amazing and I still miss her from time to time. Todays loss will no doubt be the same for time to come, I hate to say goodbye to anyone, but I know where they are, and now we have a couple more special people up around that throne of grace and love.

I know that Steel Magnolias is very much a chick flick, but it is possibly one of my favorite movies ever. My favorite movie quote is from that movie… “laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.” It truly is. Whenever we got to a funeral we are so disheartened and saddened, but then we begin to think about the good memories and everything is ok again. We smile, we laugh, we remember, and that’s all we got. Just remember the good, forget the bad, and the rest will take care of itself.

As far as food goes today, I didn’t do so great. I slept through breakfast, for lunch I had a pudding, and three drinks of strawberry soda before it came back up (I know I shouldn’t drink soda, but occasionally I try to do it anyway, and end up puking.) Then for dinner I wasn’t hungry, and then just now I had four bites of ice cream, and I’m full. So I didn’t get enough calories or protein in, but I just can’t eat anymore.

Tonight at church someone was telling me I look like a twig, and be careful not to lose to much more weight… but I still have a ton more to lose, but I try to take it as it comes. I keep feeling like the compliments are really insults wrapped in pretty pieces of wrapping paper. I know that I need to just get over it, but it’s how my mind works.

How was everyone elses day?

Keep being you! <3 Hope you all wore purple to support national stop bullying day!

After watching Julia and Julie for a second time this week I think that I’m inspired. I want to lose the weight and finally get to my goal and move on with my life. So here goes, I am on day one. I currently weigh 329 lbs, and I have about a 129 lbs to lose to get to my personal goal. My personal goal is not the same as my doctors, he wants me to stop at around 240, but I think that for me to be happy I need to be thin.

So here is what is going to happen on this blog… the good, the bad and the ugly:

What I eat, what I don’t, when I exercise, when I don’t, and all the fun things in between. The not so fun things will be here too. If you are in my life, you will most likely end up in this blog, and if you’re not, you may end up here too. I like to talk about alot of things in text that I don’t aloud, and I think that I’m better in typing.

Today started out with me getting up at nine and putting my crock pot chili on:

• 2 lbs ground chuck
• 2 white onions
• 1 can crushed tomatoes
• 1 can diced tomatoes
• 1 can light kidney beans
• 1 can dark kidney beans
• 2 Tablespoons chili powder
• 1 teaspoon onion powder
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder

Fry the beef and onions, drain off the fat and put beef into crock pot. Add all the other ingredients and set crock pot on low for eight hours. That means my chili will be done at five twenty, yay!

After that I went back to sleep for a couple hours, and then woke up and ate half a piece of sparkpeople cherry chocolate cake… super easy recipe and low calorie:

• 1 can cherry pie filling
• 1 large egg
• 1 box chocolate cake mix

Mix them all together, place in greased 9x13 pan and bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 30 - 35 minutes. After it chills top with cool whip and serve. It was quite good, I could only eat about four bites before I was full, but my mom enjoyed it too, so I have to say it’s a good diet recipe… not very diet, but a healthy alternative to a cake filled with oil and chocolate chips like I would have made before.

I plan on just having the chili with crackers for dinner, it should be quiet good. I have been sipping on a glass of green kool-aid today, and I know that I shouldn’t be drinking kool-aid with sugar, but it is one of my vices, so what can ya do, hopefully I can break myself from sugar again soon.

So that’s the day so far in a nutshell, I don’t know how often I’ll post, at least once a day. I will catch you up on my journey so far, and maybe just maybe this will turn into something more then a blog, ya never know right?